Becoming a Man

In my opinion there are two things in life that lets you know that you are a man. 1) The ability to grow hair where ever you want to (and as you grow older where ever you don't want it), and 2) Owning a chainsaw. About the ripe old age of 14 I began the journey to manhood (and, subsequently, about 6 years later starter losing hair) and finished the journey yesterday after purchasing my first chainsaw. Obviously, as a kid growing up, my parents (and Santa) weren't going to let me get a chainsaw as every Christmas my requests were denied, to a tune similar to that of a Christmas Story - You'll cut something off! Now, that I am grown-up and on my own, I can do just about anything I want - I will typically eat ice cream for breakfast, or run through the house with scissors, or stay up late (okay, maybe later). There is nothing that Mom can do about it now - so HA HA! There is nothing greater than owning a chainsaw (though next best comparison is owning an industrial strength shop vac) and nothing makes a man feel more like a man then holding a chainsaw in his hands and feeling the sure strength and power of what a chainsaw can do. The metal teeth spinning wildly and grinding up 6-inch logs and chopping down trees in a matter of moments. I hope you other 'boys' out there will someday become men and own your own chainsaw. Now, can someone please help me turn this thing on, so I can drown out Stacey's continual "You're gonna cut something off!"