The Chronicles of Griffin Lore

I have thought of many ways of how I could tell this story and I think I am going to go this route:

It was a dark  and dreary Thursday night as the beautiful mother of four and part time cab driver and maid, Stacey, picked up her son Ryan from basketball practice.  Stacey and Ryan began having a conversation about basketball, school, and life in which Ryan was talking freely and openly.  Having been run ragged in basketball practice, Ryan was extremely partched and reached down to grab a bottled water that we frequently kept in the car for such occasions.  Stacey continued to ask Ryan questions, but he suddenly became quiet and said "Let's talk about it when we get home."  Stacey asked "why" and he persisted "Let's just talk about it when we get home!"  So, Stacey and Ryan drove him in silence...but in the back of her mind Stacey could not figure out what had suddenly changed in Ryan's attitude...

FLASHBACK:  Driving from Oregon to Idaho and back again is a very long, uneventful trip.  Though we thoroughly enjoy our visits to Idaho to visit family, the 12 hours it takes to get there is not as exciting.  We deal with fighting, hungry kids, and the ever persistent question "When are we going to be there??"  Because of the lengthy trip, I prefer to take few breaks especially if the kids are sleeping, so when Hunter said he had to go to the bathroom again for the fourth time and there was no where to stop for 30 miles, we allowed Hunter to pee in a bottle (which anyone who has gone on long trips with us knows that his bladder is about the size of small pea).  We finally made it home to Oregon and I took everything out of the car and into the house, and cleaned up all the garbage...everything except that water bottle filled with Hunter's pee...

FLASH FORWARD: Saturday morning as we are going to Ryan's basketball game, Ryan reaches to the side of his chair and pulls out a water bottle which obviously contains yellow water!  Ryan yells out "Hunter!  Is this your pee?"  We are all laughing because we forgot to throw the pee bottle away - thank goodness there was a cap on the bottle.  Then Ryan says "I think I drank your pee!"  All of the sudden Stacey remembers the conversation she had with Ryan just days before when he quit talking to her.  Ryan said that he grabbed the water bottle took a little drink from it and it tasted so awful, so he kept it in his mouth until Stacey and him arrived at home and then he was able to spit it out.  He had no idea he had drank pee until the realization hit him at that moment!!  So gross - and poor Ryan.  But we all laughed and laughed and laughed some more and Ryan laughed with us.  He was a good sport.  But this story will ever go down in the Griffin Annals as the DAY THAT RYAN DRANK HUNTER'S PEE...

Another picture

Sami in the Morning

Frequently, when I wake up in the morning Sami will come in the bathroom and talk to me as I am getting ready. It is our Daddy-Daughter time. Most of the time she just rambles on and on about things and I have no idea what she is talking about. Other times, she is so completely tired that she just lays on the floor and watches me get ready. Last week she came into the bathroom at 5 am dressed in a hat, oven mittens, shoes, pajamas, and a backpack. I have attached the photo...she was not happy about me taking a picture. Apparently she was still cranky!  (You may have seen something similar in an earlier post of mine as she loves to wear hats, pajamas, and her backpack -- many times she is carrying a basketball as well)

My Grandpa

I have deliberately not posted for quite some time – mainly, because I knew that my next post would need to be about Grandpa Baldwin. It has been just over a month since he passed away and I still think about him everyday. It has been difficult for me to fully understand and accept his passing, especially since three to four weeks before he passed I called him on the phone and we laughed and joked around like we always do. Then, at the services everyone said “He was in so much pain” or “He is in a better place.” I wasn’t around his pain, though I knew there was suffering, but in the many phone calls we had he discussed his medical issues but also talked about family, sports, and Oregon/Colorado. So, it has been difficult for me to understand that he is “in a better place” when to me a “better place” is here with me. I am not bitter, but just miss him like crazy and wish that I could call him up and talk to him like we always did. Right about now he would be making fun of the Denver “Nougats” (not Nuggets but the “Nougats” as he called them) or making fun of the Colorado Rookies (Not Rockies but “Rookies”). I am going to miss that.

I think I am still in denial about his passing. Since I am not in Idaho Falls and not around family, then it doesn’t seem like it really happened. Often I start to think about him being gone, and I just quickly think about something else or do the dishes to get it out of my mind. Yes, I should probably confront this head-on, but I am not quite sure how. I often steal away by myself and shed a few tears, and enjoy the memories that flood into my mind. And when I do start to cry, I can hear Grandpa saying “Ya’ big Boob!”, because I know that he does not want me to shed tears for him, but it is so hard not to. There has been a lot of peace come to me through this experience, and deep down I know that all is well and that he is feeling happiness and no pain. But can’t I be selfish and wish that he was still here with me? I know that he will be the first one to welcome each family member as we all make our way to join him, and there will be much joy! I know that he is going to be there helping each one of us along so that we can join him and be together forever as a family. I remember Brigham Young once stated something about our ancestors are doing so much on the other side of the veil to help us in this life, that we fully do not comprehend. I know that Grandpa will be heading up that rally for each one of his family members!

The funeral was beautiful. I loved listening to my mother and Uncles and Aunt discuss the life of Grandpa. I honestly could have listened to that all day long – I did not want it to end. Grandpa wanted all of the Grandchildren and Great Grandchildren to sing “I am a Child of God.” I was determined to make it through the song without shedding a tear, but then I would look down at Grandma and I could see the joy in her eyes of the family that her and Grandpa produced and the love that she had for all of us, along with the sadness…and then she blew a kiss in my direction and that made it difficult to get through the song. And each time we came to the part in the song that says “…to live with him someday,” I could not help but personalize it to mean that I would one day live with Grandpa again. I am sure to the outside ear, our song must have been pathetic because of the sadness and tears and the difficulty getting through the song – but to each one of us who sang, and to family members, it was one of the most beautiful songs ever.

I was glad to be able to spend a few, quiet, and special moments with my Grandma during this time. Though it was difficult because of all the people around, there were tender moments of love and comfort that she was able to offer to me, and maybe I was able to do the same to her. At the viewing, Grandma whispered some wonderful things in my ear that only she and I were able to hear, of course it just caused me to shed more tears. Another time she told me that she was so worried about me – here is my Grandma going through this ordeal and she is worried about me! That shows you how loving, thoughtful and giving my Grandma is, but here I am worried about her and she is thinking about me.

They say that Time heals all wounds, but I think that it is understanding not only of the Principles of the Gospel that heals the hurt, but also understanding why Grandpa needed to go when he did. While at this moment I do not have a full understanding of why, I look forward to going HOME to IF to visit with family, listen to stories and reminisce and I know that I will find the complete Peace that I am looking for.

For those family members that are reading this blog posting, I feel that I can finally come clean and let you know that when we held those weekly Croquet Sunday evening games in the summer…well, Grandpa and I cheated…just a little bit…but I don’t think it ever did us any good because neither of us ever won!!

I miss you Grandpa, but I know you know that.